Troubled.

This last couple of days is the worse day of my life in 2011. I have no idea why im feeling so sad, so angry...so..fucked up. Idk why i feel this way maybe its because i have so much time now to the point where i start thinking of stupid things. I looked back at my life and felt i was a failure whether in studies, basketball or girls. Studies..arghh damn..I never liked studying....which human being likes studying? (those who does arent human to me anw). My parents never had high expectations of me since primary school. I was a constantly in teachers bad books as a mischievious troublemaker. Moving on to secondary school, i literally just played my way through lower secondary and cheated my way through sec3. Sec4 came and i didnt wake up until probably a month before Os? I walked out of the exam hall of my last paper during Os not having any idea what i want to do after, where i want to go. No plans. Totally lost. Basketball...the one and only thing i rely on during the very hard times. No matter what people say, Ive always looked at myself as a good basketball player and a player capable of matching up with any player my age. After Os, every skill, every basic just seem to have been taken away from me...i lost confidence in myself and felt i had to prove myself all over again. Moving on from sec school bball is the hardest ever move i have to make in my life so far. Not knowing whether i will ever put on my basketball shoes ever again scares me. Ive never won as a player....never had a game where i can say im proud of. Brought in to cchms to continue the legacy my seniors had left behind, i fail and left after 4 years, empty handed. Relationship? screw it. i fail in everyone i had. Im afraid to grow up, really afraid.